DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, “Chad,” and I have been together for 10 years.

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We have no children together, but we have been stepparents to each other’s children since the beginning of our relationship.

Since we have been together, we have had to deal with his relentless ex-wife, who’s had multiple relationships. We’ve also dealt with my ex-husband moving out of the state and away from our daughter. To say the least, we’ve put ourselves on the back burner dealing with kids and exes.

We have also had health problems resulting in surgeries for Chad, me and my daughter.

He has asked me to marry him only when he’s coming out of surgery — once as he was coming out of anesthesia in the recovery room and another time just after we got home from another surgery.

Am I wrong for not taking the “post-surgery proposals” seriously?

We have recently become grandparents, and I don’t want to hurt him by saying no but I feel like I need a completely lucid proposal.

— WANTS IT FOR REAL IN UTAH

DEAR WANTS IT: You and Chad have 10 years invested in this relationship. If you would like to be married to him, talk with him and ask if he remembers proposing to you, which he has done twice.

Tell him you could not in good conscience hold him to a proposal that was made while he was under the influence of anesthesia or pain killers, but you would be open to it if he asked in the sober light of day. Then cross your fingers.

DEAR ABBY: I have been thinking a lot lately about my first love. The thoughts come and go, which I know is normal.

A week or so ago, I stumbled upon her LinkedIn account, saw her profile picture and couldn’t help but reminisce about all the good times we had together 15 years ago. I’m 35 now and have been in a relationship for seven years. She has been married for 10.

I’m not looking to rekindle a relationship. I just feel there was never official closure to our relationship, and I suspect it has always affected my subsequent relationships.

I love my girlfriend and feel guilty for feeling this way. I know how it would affect us if I were to bring it up, which is why I’m not sure how to proceed.

Will the feeling pass? Will I always feel this way? Will I always look back at that first love and think she was the one I was meant to be with, and if one thing didn’t go the way it did, would I be?

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Should I reach out and try to ask for closure?

— REMINISCING IN VIRGINIA

DEAR REMINISCING: I don’t think so.

You and this woman have both moved on with your lives. I see nothing positive to be gained by reaching back at this point, particularly since you know it could negatively affect your current relationship. Allow the past to remain in the past and let it go.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.