Miss Manners: Our potlucks worked great until the day this person showed up
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Miss Manners: Our potlucks worked great until the day this person showed up

DEAR MISS MANNERS: My family and I are big fans of potluck dinners.

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We provide a substantial main dish, plus sometimes dessert or salad, and enjoy the variety of dishes our guests bring — sometimes even being left some of their offerings to enjoy later.

Hosting this way also means that those who have special dietary needs, or who are picky eaters, will have food they can eat. They can have what they brought, if nothing else.

This worked great for years, until the day a guest came to me and said there was nothing they could eat. The only food Restricted Diet Person had brought was a tiny salad.

I rummaged around in the freezer to see what I could thaw out on short notice. When I found something, RDP said they’d already had that this week and wanted something else. “This is what I have,” I told RDP, and started thawing the item and cooking some pasta to go with it.

Soon, someone arrived with a dish RDP could eat, so they ate that and not what I had prepared for them.

I told my husband that if this happened again, I’d let him deal with RDP. He’s the one that invites this person, whom he feels sorry for because they have no friends.

Was there a better way to have handled this?

GENTLE READER: Although it is clear why this person has no friends, you could have feigned a bit more sympathy than you felt.

Miss Manners will call things even — and agree to proceed with the plan to let your husband deal with your troublesome guest next time — if you will remind your husband to pick something up for said guest before the next event.

DEAR MISS MANNERS: How do I talk about my preferences for the art I consume without demeaning others’ tastes or seeming like a snob?

For example, many of my friends enjoy superhero movies and cartoons. I do not; I don’t find these movies interesting or original. I recognize, though, that the love my friends have for these big-name franchises is deep!

I don’t want to make my friends feel lesser for their tastes. I also don’t want to feign interest, or say, “I wouldn’t watch that myself, but I’m glad you like it!” as both feel condescending.

How can I respectfully discuss art when there are such diverging tastes?

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GENTLE READER: Friendship requires reciprocity, so if you are unwilling to listen, at least occasionally, to them talking about the entertainments they enjoy, you will either have to limit your discussions with them to topics of known mutual enthusiasm — or find other friends.

As a lifelong opera lover, Miss Manners believes that if you can sit through a cartoon or two in exchange for introducing them to the right opera — one filled with the sex and violence they relish, which shouldn’t be hard to find — you might find that the art itself is its own best champion.

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com; to her email, [email protected]; or through postal mail to Miss Manners, Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.