DEAR HARRIETTE: My father is and always has been emotionally abusive. For most of my childhood and teenage life, I opted not to speak to him.

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Later in my life, he got married and had two more children and seemed to be doing really well with them. In an effort to forge a relationship with my young siblings, I embarked on a journey of giving my father a chance.

Things were going well for a few years, but as of late, I worry that all the progress he made as a person and parent has gone out the window. My siblings seem either afraid of him or fully disconnected. It seems like the relationship between my father and his wife has become toxic, and it’s impacting their kids.

They’re both under 10, and I don’t want them to know the same father I knew. What are my options?

— Bad Dad

DEAR BAD DAD: Sadly, you have little power in this situation. It is tragic that your father has not done the work to heal himself from whatever causes him to be unkind to his family.

If you have the space and time, you can invite the children to spend time with you in your home, letting them know that you are always a safe place to land.

If you have the resources, you can even try to adopt them. That process is legal and will likely be messy, but if you feel that their physical or emotional well-being is at stake, it could be worth it for you to attempt to rescue them.

DEAR HARRIETTE: I am in a relationship with a man who is a single parent of two children.

It seems as though his ex left their family not too long after their second child was born.

My partner and I have a great relationship, and I love his girls. They are sweet and funny, and I’m always happy to help and support them.

Recently, he expressed to me that he doesn’t want his daughters looking to anyone as a mother figure other than their biological mom. She lives in the area, but she has remained distant.

When I help him with his children, he welcomes it, so how should I interpret his stance, especially when we are looking forward to building a future together?

— Unclear Role

DEAR UNCLEAR ROLE: Your partner’s desire for his children’s mother to be more present in their lives may or may not manifest.

When you talk, remind him that he has no control over her and that he is doing a great job of parenting his children. You are happy to be supportive; you love the girls and him. Note that it is natural for children to grow close to the people who spend time with them.

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Talk to him about his hopes for the future with you.

If you two continue to build a life together, his children will likely grow closer to you — and perhaps even think of you in a filial way. He cannot control that. That bonding happens naturally.

What you can do is assure him that you will not intentionally push their mother out of the picture. Her level of presence and bonding will be up to her.

Harriette Cole is a lifestylist and founder of DREAMLEAPERS, an initiative to help people access and activate their dreams. You can send questions to [email protected] or c/o Andrews McMeel Syndication, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.